awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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