We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
