this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
