Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
