How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
