And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
