as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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