Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
