mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
