I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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