We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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