you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
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