if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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