So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
