She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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