Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
