dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
