i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
