I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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