It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I smell stomach acid.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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