I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
