I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
