2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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