i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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