im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
