Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
