I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize
