I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
