apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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