i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
