Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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