Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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