I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
