Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Drake has all the answers
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
