well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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