it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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