I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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