drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
