His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
