ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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