What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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