I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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