literally had 100 drinks last night.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
