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If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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