You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
