So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
