I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
