I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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