I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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