idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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