shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
